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of Americans too stupid to
answer Gallup poll
that 58% of Americans now lack the requisite knowledge needed to answer
a Gallup poll.
The phone survey, which attempted to ascertain the feelings of 1,008
average citizens on major foreign and domestic policy issues, found that
585 of them “were unable to give answers intelligent or informed enough to
be called an opinion,” according to one Gallup official. The margin of error
was reported by the company to be “pretty damn high, considering.”
According to Tom Alsop, Gallup’s director of survey issues, the ignorance,
while not unexpected, was still a little stunning to poll-takers.
“Given the decline in America’s educational system, the dropping literacy
levels and the general crumbling of our cultural institutions, we knew we’d
have to factor in some percentage of uninformed or unintelligent response,”
he said. “Still, when 32% of the public identifies Tom DeLay as ‘the guy who
makes those good potato chips,’ it’s pretty hard to discuss serious issues.”
When asked to name the most influential member of the Supreme Court:
the recently-deceased Chief Justice Rehnquist finished with 10% of the
respondents, narrowly edging Sandra Day O’Connor who had 9% but both
were easily outpolled by Judge Judy, Judge Dredd, Judge Roy Bean and
Holly Herbert, host of Court TV’s highly-rated “Celebrity Justice.”
Other American political figures were equally obscure in the public’s view.
“It’s just sad,” said poll-taker Marta Wallace. “What am I supposed to put
down when I ask if people favored Kerry or Bush and they tell me, ‘The one
who always wore those nice ties.’ I mean its kind of scary.”
Domestic concerns overall fared poorly in the poll. The fight over President
Bush’s judicial nominees was a case in point. When asked their opinion
on the filibuster, 15% favored it, 22% opposed it and 63% said they didn’t
need a new vacuum cleaner.
Foreign policy, however, showed the most frightening level of
incomprehensibility among respondents. While barely half could
remember Osama bin Laden’s full name, fully 30% thought Al-Qaida was a
variety of salad dressing and identified the European Union as a soccer
team.
“I asked one guy what should be done about Korea,” recalled poll-taker Matt
Barnege, “and he said, ‘Well, antibiotics worked pretty well on mine.’ I
mean, come on. Where am I supposed to go with that?”
When respondents were asked whether they favored multilateral or
unilateral negotiations to defuse the tensions over North Korea’s nuclear
program, only one-third said that they favored a multilateral approach, while
the remainder noted that “unilaterals grip the road better, especially in wet
conditions.”
Among the poll’s other findings:
24% of respondents asked silly or non-sequitur questions in their
responses
37% often responded to questions with a lengthy, awkward silence
40% giggled uncontrollably at the mention of United Nations Secretary
General Kofi Annan’s name
42% failed to form a coherent sentence during the interview
“I think these results speak for themselves,” said Professor Hubert Knotten
of the University of Michigan’s political science department. “Americans are
often bored by issues and rarely are able to entertain any truly deep or
intelligent opinions regarding such questions. Whether it’s the budget
deficit, terrorism, Iraq or the latest Social Security plan by President Whats-
His-Name, nobody really keeps up on this stuff.”
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