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| Colonel Korn, where are you now? |
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| There’s a marvelous passage from Joseph Heller’s surreal “Catch- 22″ in which the panicked Colonels Cathcart and Korn find themselves facing humiliation over an embarrassing error by bombardier Yossarian that costs the life of one of his crew. While they debate what to do with Yossarian, Korn hits upon a novel way to extricate them from the impending public relations disaster. “Why not give him a medal?” says the sly officer. “You know that might be the answer - to act boastfully about something that we ought to be ashamed of. That’s a trick that never seems to fail.” It’s good to know at least someone at the White House is reading the classics. It was, after all, impossible to watch President Bush’s fiery defense of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld without Korn's impeccable illogic springing to mind. Sometimes life imitates art a bit too much. As everyone knows, Rumsfeld, who’s so used to the hot seat he must be wearing asbestos underwear by now, has once again come under fire, this time by a cadre of ex-generals calling for the embattled secretary’s ouster. Unsurprisingly, the neocon wagons have begun to circle as the generals’ credibility are already under attack by the usual crew of Bushbots and flakjobbers. Noted liberal-bashing blogger/columnist David Limbaugh notes that the offending officers may “put a big smile on Osama’s face,” while the Washington Times’ Tony Blankley goes further still calling for a court of inquiry to determine if the outspoken generals can be tried under the Uniform Code of Military Justice. Columnist Cal Thomas accuses them of trying to “embolden America’s enemies,” and even invokes the name of Iranian President Ahmadinejad. “One can be sure no Iranian general - active or retired - will be questioning Ahmadinejad’s politics or theology…” he remarks. Iran apparently being an admirable model for the proper conduct of political discourse in a free society. Meanwhile, it’s refreshing to see that most Bush apologists, who spent the Clinton years deriding “interference” and “social experimentation” in the military ordered by dorks who never wore a uniform, have suddenly rediscovered “subordination to civilian authority” as an underpinning of constitutional governance. Indeed, one hears the phrase so much, you’d swear there must be tanks crashing through the White House gates as part of a Pentagon-inspired coup. But the president’s reaction was more telling still. Bush was visibly angry during a Tuesday press conference. Saying that Rumsfeld was “doing a fine job,” Bush heatedly remarked, “I hear the voices and I read the front page and I know the speculation. But I'm the decider and I decide what’s best.” Perhaps, but as moving as it was to watch the decider-in-chief invoke his “because I say so” defense, one couldn’t help but be reminded of the similar laudatory boosts given to the administration’s other sinking ships like FEMA’s Michael “You’re doing a heckuva job” Brown or Harriet “C’mon, she’s a conservative, really, we swear” Miers. Then again, there’s a subtle difference here. Brown and Miers got flushed faster than quail on a Cheney hunting trip. Rummy, on the other hand, seems to have a durability that would make Rasputin envious. Donald Rumsfeld is no ordinary Bush crony. He has not just the president’s ear but, it would appear, his mind and heart as well. Since Bush’s second term began, the White House seems in need of a revolving door to handle all the departures. But the Secretary of Defense has remained. Besides the president himself, the most consistently criticized man in Washington has also had the most consistent staying power. And this is perhaps what enrages his opponents most and what has turned Rummy into the crowning illustration of the fascinating tragicomedy that this administration has become. No other man so completely symbolizes the credo of loyalty over logistics and fealty over faculty that has come to define a president who seems to regard the highest levels of the U.S. government as his own personal employment agency for defense secretaries who can’t equip armies, FEMA chiefs who have no disaster planning experience and Supreme Court nominees who have never been actual judges. Indeed, Bush’s continuing inability to see any flaws in a man as mind-bendingly incompetent as Donald Rumsfeld has made Rummy the lightning rod for critics of the Bush “Now You Too Can Run A Federal Agency” style of governing. Like Colonel Korn, President Bush continues to laud embarrassing failures as great successes and trumpet humiliating misjudgments as thundering triumphs. Like Colonel Korn, Bush seems determined to hang shiny medals on his worst mistakes. But in fact, the real terror may not be in Bush's similarity to Heller’ s cunning officer but rather in the crucial difference between them. Korn regarded coating shame with praise for what it was, a ruse to cover the unpleasant stench of failure. But in the insular bubble of Mr. Bush’s well-padded universe, Korn’s gambit seems less a tactic to veil reality than a reality all to itself. Korn at least knew the lie was to hide the truth. One increasingly wonders whether Bush can distinguish between the two at all. |
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